| (no subject) |
[Jul. 22nd, 2005|11:08 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  dorky | ] |
| [ | music |
| | No music just the lovely voice of leo decaprio | ] |
Since my last entry I have been to london to visit the queen, well not really on the 18th of June I watched the best band EVER. Keilan and I had went down to London to stay with a friend and to go see Greenday at Milton Keynes. They were truly amazing, we got to the gig quite early so we managed to get very close to the front I think in all we stood for like 14 hours but it was totally worth the wait.
like three weeks later like you all know the blasts in London happened and now I think I will never go back, I KNOW it is what the terrorists want but I want my safety more I want to be with my kids more but at least I can say I have been there ( such a pitty as we wanted to take Aaron down he was soo excited)
I am no longer a Admin worker (ACE). I have a new job sort of as a Radio development worker sounds good but I am not sure how things are gonna pan out hopefully it will work out.
Rhiannon is 2 this weekend. This is so scary my kids are growing up and I don't want them to. Aaron starts school next month. This time next month will have been his first day EEEEk. SO SCARED
Aint been out in such a long time hopefully get a night out soon. Will have to be a big one some sort of celebration. It is weird to think that if i never had the kids I'd prob be out every single night but meh whats done is done - don't think I would change it now either.
I'm watching Titanic I remember absaloutly loving this film think I had seen it in the cinema at least 11 times, somehow it is boring now leo is not as hot as I once thought ahh well at least i have my hunny keils.
I also bought Rhiannon an ace cute wee pink trike yesterday I LOVE it wonder if she minds sharing with me. |
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| nothin |
[May. 15th, 2005|10:46 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  quixotic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | nope none but NIp tuck | ] |
I feel OLD my son is five next week he starts school after summer, WTF it feels like he was just born weekds ago. Well thats a lie its been hard Aarons been a lot of work but he finally seems to be ready to go to school I keep saying he will be fine I know he will be but well its scary I keep having dreams about him being bulied or stolen from school or running away from it. I hated school I hated it alot or well everyone hated me(no change there then) I don't want him to have a shit time or to have the shit you get from school.
Anyway enough of that or I will start to cry, Rhiannon fell yesterday so keilan soaked me with water seem the right thing for him to do IN HIS HEAD he appoligised but meh it dont mean much nowadays
NIP TUCK is on how ace is it how scary was it tonight showers scare me I am glad I didn't get one instaled, altho it would be nice but not the scary man in the mask |
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| Rant |
[Mar. 30th, 2005|10:28 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crushed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | in my head its the dino thinder tune | ] |
GAH
I just typed soooo much stuff then it all disappeared
Basically I said how much of a bad month March has been for me, first off there was a mistake I made at work then ended up feeling the shitest of the shit for thick and very humiliated, then my mobile which I loved and had loads of downloads and pics on got stolen( was so pissed of with that) then keilan totally ruined my weekend being a drunk asshole in town and making a tit out of himself and me and then making me go home early by lying to me, then to round it all off I was told the no longer wanted me at work so well I was sort of sacked I wansn't good enough meh I know the real reason and it suck more then anything
The thought of having to ask keilan for cash scared the hell out of me I have now lost my independence and my confidence and the motive to get up in the morning so I cried for days thinking about how shit I am and how I might as well give up on everything now, then realised my kids needed me to wise up SO I did and god I have missed them soooo much can't beleive how much either. I was really bored to start with being at home but i cleaned and sang and played and ran around like a mad woman and its fun I love them so much Aarons finally stopping his cheek and starting to understand i mean business and rhiannons well she is just a doll but has such a temper.
I am in hope of another job coming along I really hope it works out for me at least this time the guys there actually like me and want me there but all I can think of is that i will fuck it up like last time
ahh well if it all falls through I suppose the supermarkets are always hiring and well if I cant do that then i might as well give up on life
Yeah im pretty low just now but I am getting over it... slowly |
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| room for improvement |
[Feb. 27th, 2005|05:41 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  happy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Im watching the film Toys | ] |
I am not as happy as I used to be, my self esteems seems to have gone or well has gone to an all time low. I know what it is but there is nothing I can do about it. I leave the kids 5 days out of the week so that I can go to work. I really miss them I seem to be missing so much of them growing up BUt I know i have to work so what can I do.
Work seems to be going good but I sometimes feel so thick and not part of team type thing - I have always felt like this even as a kid I always thought no one liked me or that I was somehow different and I know I am sometimes quiet and well look unhappy but feel things I say or do people just think WTF I have struggled all my life to impress anyone for someone to think wow she is an ace person, All I have ever wanted is for eveyone to like me but well its never has happened.
I spend most of the day trying my hardest to do the best I can and find alot of the time i muck up cos i try to hard I feel let down alot I dunno I am probably being really stupid about it but well we will see
Rhiannon seems to be getting so big she is becomin a proper little madam I think she is gonna be a right pain in the butt in the future
Aaron has been really good lately but he has been getting bullied at nursery - something I have been so upset about cos kids are so fucking cruel I hate that theres hardly anything I can do about it it sucks bug time, but the kids that are doing it to him have there own problems and sometimes I feel like screaming at there parents.
Having no money sucks we seem to have none like all the time nothing ever seems to go right for us
Happy things for me have been - taking the kids to Rambo land I loved that place as a kid its sooo cool pitty I aint really alloud to go in with them
can't wait till June me and keilan going to see Greenday(milton somwhere or other) and visiting a friend in London that will be sooooooooooooooooooooooooo ace it is something ace toooo look forward tooo. He says we are getting the stupid megabus down altho I am like 2 seconds away from getting flights hehehe!! |
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| gramatical substances are going through your senses |
[Dec. 14th, 2004|07:42 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  gloomy | ] |
Sometimes, I feel really well,.. clever other times I feel such a ditzz. I think I'm one of those people that can fool others and themselves into believing that they know what they are doing or talking about. Today I had the realisation im thick as sh.. I dunno why but it just seems i know absaloutly nothing im good at nothing and i just can't seem to pick anything up quick enough, grrr I hate being the thick one the one who knows nothing!
Well im letting off some steam tonight ain't I dunno if I beleive all the negative things I say about myself but I sure do feel it just now!
#
HAHAH look at the cloud |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 12th, 2004|07:58 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sleepy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | American Idiot | ] |
This week I have been so tired, Getting up for work seems such a struggle and I don't know why. I have tried going to my bed early - but that just seems to get me even more tired!
Seem to have settled into work loads now even have a really good laugh. The girls from work are having a lunch sometime next week should be great fun! Hopefully I wont be to shy and stuff. Stayed in this weekend no pubs or clubs for me, was pretty weird. Friday I got back from work early to pick the kids up, but ailsa was there and her dad( ailsa was sick) so then Leigh arrived and ended up there till like 7pm which was cool.
Saturday We got rid of Rhiannon( nana took her shoppin) We decided to treat Aaron to the cinema and haircut. We went to see The Incredibles, was such a good film had a laugh and keilan managed to spill our Large Popcorn all over the floor ( he even had the cheek to blame Aaron) after the film we visited the international market, smelt soooo goood!!!!
After that was time to pick Rhiannon up, Stayed there for ages Leigh and Ailsa was there too ( they so cool) was pretty tired stayed quiet as to not offend anyone and walked half way home, was sooooooo cold!!
Sunday I was trying to have a long lie but that was impossible, got up got ready to go out and had lunch at my sharons house went to see the fancy lights up beside the hospital( really good this year) and then caught the bus home - no ones here hate coming home to an empty house seems so sad. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 6th, 2004|10:40 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sad | ] |
| [ | music |
| | doooo do de dooooooooooooooooooooooooo | ] |
Well First I should say Happy 17th Birthday to Viki
Happy Bday to you happy bday to you happy Bday to viki cos you smell like a pooooooooooo
so what been happening to me
em I have been working and its been fun, I have met so much new and friendly people I really enjoy going ot work its very exciting and a breath of fresh air for me, its like a whole new chapter in my life and it feels really good.
I do however miss my kids so much, especailly Rhainnnon as she is sooo young, and I am scared to miss things in her life. I cried alot on Wednesday night dunno why, was just feeling really low had made mistakes at work and felt stupid but Keilan made it better he hugged me loads and said everything would be ok, and he was right aww I love him so much. He just knows how to make things seem so much better when all I can see is the negatives.
Aaron seems to have grown this attitude of hate towards me, dunno if he is hating me, I think he miss s me but then again he absaloutly loves being with his grandad so I Dunno.
I was out at the weekend got far to drunk and spoke out far topo much, seen the pics from that night too what a state I looked grrr I suck
Em im feeling tired alot too but thats cos I seem to not go to my bed a decent time. I was in alot of pain today my poor foot got crushed and now it hurts sooooooo bad!
Why do so many people get murdered its horrid, and it is very scary, the news sucks it is all bad
right now im tired and blethering rubbish |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 29th, 2004|07:32 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bouncy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | simpson watching | ] |
Ok I have started working! yeah thats all its been all this time of oh wait and see and I am actualy working and its great I have a life now hehehe
Anyway yeah today has been quite a long day bus journeys and walking seems to take forever to get there but its worth it its all good
The people I work with are Really really nice made me feel less nervous and were so welcoming its soooo fun I love being there altho its only my first day and im sure it will change
have to say its been weird having to leave the kids all day I really missed them but at the same time felt its what I need to do, its part of me being a grown up ( yeah I know) It is funny don't know if its cos we are so skint or cos i wanted to work but its all good,
What else have I got planned hmm weekend should be good as I have the work christmas night out wooohooo CHRISTMASSSSS
ok so i have to find something to wear thats should be fun grrrr im NOT wearing a dresss
night night |
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| Whats the story in Balamory lalalalalalalala |
[Nov. 21st, 2004|09:29 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  okay | ] |
| [ | music |
| | nothing telly tunes | ] |
haha I met balamory people tonight it was mucho fun and apart from Aaron being so cold it was good, I was taking pictures of Archie and he stopped and posed for the pic it was ace until i realised he had moved too quickly and blurred the photo but oh well it was ace
Well anyway not much else happned this weekend was babysitting friday was good fun kids were crazy saterday was fun went to Bingo with my mum it was fun too, that place is so interesting I love watching people thinking they are going to win big
em sunday was nice long lie in nice to cuddle up to keilan and not wake up so ealry its still dark! yup well that was today nice lazy time up until we went to keilans mums. we stayed there for a bit wa sgood the kids had a fun time and ailsa and l,eigh came over and i persuided them to come to town with me to see the lights be switched on, so they did we all headed down and it was fun soo busy so many kids rude ones too that little brat s with their light up things hitting them off poor me and ailsa we got over it, When finaly they let the balamory cast out well three of them they were ace got to take a pic Archie aarons fave stayed to watch the lights be switched and cameron from Big brother was there he was cool touched his arm haha how sad
anyway all that was sooooooo cold could n't wait to get back home got back anne made me summy scrummy yummy food was ace |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 19th, 2004|11:05 am] |
HAHAHA i got the phone call I have been waiting for yesterday!
it was ace im so excited after it happens I will let you know you see i don't want to really talk about it or get excited to much cos I feel I will Jinx it cos that what happens to me
anyway yesterday me and aaron sat around waiting for the snow which happend like once and didnt even stay on the ground, we were so let down
oh well its here today
and its bloody freezing we were so late for nursery this morning oops but so was everyone else
OH OH talking about nursery
im outa here |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 17th, 2004|02:50 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  working | ] |
HAHA i have managed to add myself to my friends list How sad it that!!!!!!!! |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 17th, 2004|09:41 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crazy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | garbage | ] |
Well the hell have I been
haHA no wheres, not really got my self a new Mobile pritty chuffed with it like! My mummy got it for my xmas and I got it early ooooooooooooooo christmas how ace is that its so soon well what amonth and a it ace ace ace I love christmas i really do its the best time of year oh oh and they said its gonna snow on thursday(it prob wont tho) snow makes me feel cosy
Anyway on to what I have been up to, I aint been up to much at all Had Aarons parents evening, My son is so ace they are very impressed with him, they were even talking about whenhe goes to School... now that scary
Saterday I was in to moorings to see keilan Play in his new band RED MEDICINE they RAWKED the crowd loved them flash loved them i loved them they were reallly good and keilan he played so good he really looked confident onstage I was well proud of him. I was almost dragged up to dance with some scary haird dude but I got out of it! At the end of the night we hang around keialn was so drunk bumped into people we aint seen in years since before the kids were around, I was totally feeling sorry for myself cos he said i had put on soooo much since i was 16 it made me feel so sad
Oh well the walk home was sort of fun went to the bakers got yummy food and me and keilabn had an ace nite and such a laugh it was all good! Got home really tired But i managed to go on the comp for a while and then to bed that was good tooo!
anyway sunday was quite good got up early to go get the kids but ended getting there and heading out againwith ailsa and chris to go get myself my new mobile that my mummy was buying it was so funny! the guy had no idea what he was doing or selling he got so confused and I think he felt bad but to meitwasfunny he kept making mistakes andtellingme the phones i wanted were not in stock then he got his manger dude who helped mucho cos i ended up getting a better phone cheaper! it was allllllll so good
Got back to the Keilans mums house and tried pout my new phone was totally ace had a bit of a run in with viki she is totally moody just now ( and i thought i was bad) but i guess its just life
then went home on my ownon sunday as keilan had another gig i was so jealous i really wanted to go cos saterday had been so great. Keilan came home around 1 30 ish he said the gig wasnt as great as the previous night so i didnt miss much YAY
Monday woke up to Ill keilan that wasnt fun i had got up got his bath dine and i even did his ironing he sat onhis bum with a face on and then ran to the toilet hehehe no it wasnt funny he yuk
tuesday was sharons Bday so got her a card then went to college actually learned some stuff today then went to sharons house for some yummmy supper.
When i got home keilan felt all abandoned being left to defend for him self awwwww so to make up for it i made him som nice food and gave him a hug hehe
todya wednesday kept aaron off nursery as he has the stupid cold its just not nice! Thought since i have to time with him today that I will go through some fun colours with him practice getting used to colours he can't actually seee properly oh and i'm trying to teach him the days of the week its proving harder then i thought.
oooo have to say aaron was singing American idiot on the bus and this woman was giving him evils i was totally like why she doing that, then i realised when she started talking to her mate she was american hehe she must of never heard the song, but i mean the only bit aaron was singing was "dont want to be an american idiot" then laughing his head off
God the spelling and stuff in this must be so bad this time cos rhiannon has been climbing alll over me and I hate having to read over it and correct it so you will all just have to put up with it |
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| life sucks |
[Nov. 10th, 2004|11:33 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bored | ] |
| [ | music |
| | mario party 5 bowsers tune IT is SCARY | ] |
I am so fed up waiting its just not fair I want it to happen now! Ok this makes no sense but I will let you all in on it eventually
So yeah Have keilan at home just now he is on holiday from work. He made this promise that he would spend time with us and stay off the computer But guess what keilan can't actually stick to what he says he has spent most of the time on the computer ignored us all and has genrally been grumpy(its not good fun) If i was to say anything id woud get this in return "it's my HOiiday" so he has been an arse all day today too
I am so bored just now theres nothing challenging for me to do its all just so boring even at college its just not challenging enough its all to basic grrrr im angry today for no reason altho keilans been getting me wound up just cos he can!
right what have I been up nothing really had Aarons eyes tested on Monday, turns out he is coloured blind and long sighted(he don need glasses tho) must be weird not seing colours just beizarre
and tuesday had photography at college its so boring just now just hope it will be better next week and the dodgy guy just blanked me which was kool he was well Dodgy
lalala better go make the kids their lunch |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 3rd, 2004|04:54 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | bouncy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | keilan singing oh and whistling | ] |
OH why do i get myself so excited about things?
when I know they are just gonna go wrong!
anyway moan over week has just dragged on altho my weekend was rather nice went shopping for new clothes that make me look too old oh well stayed at inlaws was good altho I had a sore tummy ALL weekend it just wans nice!
hmm Monday was good Keilan on supposid holiday, he was the one taking Aaron to nursery it was so good Aaron was really really happy about it so excited to see his daddy pick him up too
So monday i had college now i go to college well it not in the normal colege building i got to one where there are crech facilties hmm so that all good except its with a bunch of oldies but they are all nice infact thers one guy he is a really nice bloke he is a grandad he has looked after me since I started he really helped me get to grips with the stuff I was stuck on so yeah that was monday
Tuesday was a doifferent class but mostly the same people well this was weird for me the guy that I thot was nice started to be all weird on me he was quite pervy he had taken pics (digital Photgraphy class) of me saying some dodgy stuff about them he is a really nice guy but you know weird
anyway thsat was fun went to sharons for supper had my hair trimmed looks good still log but all the crapy ends taken off
hmm today was also boring went to asda got food thats it nothing to write about really |
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| bored |
[Nov. 1st, 2004|11:14 pm] |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 27th, 2004|02:43 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  drained | ] |
| [ | music |
| | violin | ] |
I am not feeling that great today, not that I am feeling ill or anything just that I can't seem to get moving I just seem to sit here looking into space.I have tried sitting on the compuer doing stuff but it just bores me I tried cleaning but god thats crap even though I really really need to do some
Aww I dunno its just crap I just feel so tired even tho im not because I have not even done anything to get tired!! The kids are bored I really want to entertain them but there no energy here to do it its just crap feeling like this I hope to got its not some sort of weird depression cos I don't want it tobe that, anyway my day seems to have been ruined so boring so just urghhh maybeits that stupid S A D seasonal affected Disorder just maybe its that
oh someone cheer me up i want cheered up |
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| lazer eye surgery |
[Oct. 23rd, 2004|11:17 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | crazy | ] |
Hey guess what I can see again! I have bought myself a new pair of glasses WOOOHOOO serously tho its ace, it means I have no excuse for bad spelling or whatever, dam it now everyone will know that I'm just really really thick urghhh!
Anyway what have I been up to wel loads but also nothing have had Ailsa and Leigh over like all this week has been ace company for me and I think Aaron especially enjoyed it.
During the week I have manged to get a few things done around the house altho not as much as i had hoped but it was all good. Have managed to get Ailsa hooked on charmed hehe. also had been really really ill at one point, poor me had a sick bug and just wel was sick loads and never slept and was all stiinky and weak.
Thursday went out for a drink with my friend, had ace fun, got drunk, got nice food, got home, stayed up till extremely late and had yet more fun, ruined me carpet AGAIN with stupid diet coke and went to bed then woke grumpy keilan up got shouted at, then finally fell asleep All good I think
hmm Friday was an ace lazy day glad Leigh and Ailsa cam over cos i was so tired they helped with the kids which is always good and we watched Mean Girls Watch out for the Yellow School bus now people its bad for ya
anway sataday got my new glasses hand around town with my mummy bumped into logan and viki standing outside some random shop spotted then we spotted shaunF made aaron say hi to him and then went to Inlaws was good altho never got dominos grrr anyway walked home All the way,was tiring but good fun
then sat here been starving so much cos theres like NO food here at all whats so ever grr it sucks being so dam poor need to find a job and fast!!! |
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| yesterday |
[Oct. 14th, 2004|02:10 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | bouncy | ] |
Yesterday was a very busy day had aisla andleigh over to help with the kids while I cleaned the Kitchen, they were so ace the helped with he kitchen too was all good!! we watched charmed was ace I realy want to be a charmed on i sooooooooooo do haha
hmm what else we do oh yeah we also watche dharry potter was good rhiannons so cute LEigh taught her a new word "chimney" and i think she can now also say leigh which is ace, and oh ailsa was bad haha no she read instructions on my pudding packet wrong BUT it meant that her mum brought in heaps more and it made LOADS AND LOADS of pudding yum yum yumyum
Keilan came in grupmy from work and was all moody but food soon sorted him out and thenhe played guitar which always keeps him hapy
then i went to bed early lala |
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| the lost days |
[Oct. 12th, 2004|12:45 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  drunk | ] |
| [ | music |
| | only the silly tine in my head | ] |
So where the hell have I been the past couple of days???
I dunno!
Nah what have been up to since thursday? On saterday headed in to town and picked my new glasses they are suposidly nice as said by my mum aunti and cousin, so if they are terrible then they are totally to blame. yeah viki was suppose to be coming into town with me to pick the glasses but i changed the day and she couldnt make it oh well
So yeah after that i went to keilans mums house spent a while there but rhiannon ws quite ill and i was suppose to be going out ARGHHH kids but so stayed in and had a really nice time with keilan wathed a film and had delivery pizza was all good we had nice time altho he fell asleep at like 11pm but was ok i was on the phone to my friend for hours having a funny drunk conv.
sunday was pritty much boring had to pick aaron up from his friends house after that was at my mums for tea was good too altho came back and had been slightly mean to keilan Ooops he was out anyway while i was talking to his friend on messenger then keilan came back with yet more taeaway pizza! its soooooo bad for my diet.
Monday was weird aaron off nursery for 2 whole weeks arghhhh was all good headed in to town to buy rhiannon new shoes they are sooooooooooooo cute. As i was buying the new shoes viki calls asking if we are stil meeting up, always good to hear from ickle viki w e met up and hadddddddd an ace time was looking in some bizare shops while aaron wa mental and wouldn't stop acting up, then we headed off to see logan at BIg W was awfully funny, then we went to rambo land toget rid of mr hyper himself(aaron not logan) hmm what else we do oh we raced up the road I WON I so did! had such a good day and rhiannonslittle pink boots are soooo cute rar
hmmm nothing else happene dreally today is tuesday altho it feels like blooming friday but oh well tuesday here nothing much went to my friends fr tea was all goo yum i can cook ace food! |
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